I am angry that I had to go through these registration steps before venting my anger and the stupid french grammer way the security question was worded, I guess it will be a lot less irritating when I get used to computers more. I remember one of my neighbours who raced woodlice and killed the loser as a child, this is how competativeness feels to me. I don't want to feel that I am in that race, it is very difficult for me to do the feeling humble thing. I don't appreciate the woodlouse feeling when I could feel like a queen instead, and yes, I envy those who can effortlessly find the middleground. If this doesn't make sense, I believe I have borderline personality disorder and think in extremes to some extent, sometimes it's stifling to have to moderate your feelings to fit in. I am also pissed off that I, as a woman, have got to do the sexy/ pretty thing when I don't feel like it. I am going through a man hating phase and am not making as much effort as usual, why do men and other women rate women by their beauty, if I'm having a rough day it is because I don't want to be close to men/people, I wish people got that. I wish I could give myself permission to just heal and not have to look and act just right when I feel so raw. I wish that love didn't have to have to be so superficial. It reminds me of a Simpsons episode where Marge was told by her mother to push her frown right to the bottom of her shoes and smile. I am doing this, I suppose this is why I'm so angry.