im pretty pissed right now. my winter break(only 2 weeks) blew in almost every way. My grandparents drove down to stay the whole damn break, in my room. sleeping on the couch totally sucked, but whatever. Then, grandma died in the house. that sucked, but it also crashed the last week of break. No ski trips, no hanging with friends, nothing, because of it. my parents are wack. my mother is a control-freak, a stay at home mom, and tries desperately to shelter me and my sister. My dad, I barely know. he's cool, i think, but when he's around my mom, he is a hollow reflection of her. My sister, used to be cool. now, she's just as rotten as the rest, but she shares some of my same views. My school is a hell-hole. It is old, full of bros, wangsters, popular kids, and just plain wierd people. There are only a few nice people. I guess that's what you get living in a icher, smoggy, no-fun, boring place. The people at my school, are the kind that you have to look good, and act like a total douche bag to be there friends. I do not do this, therefore, I am nearer the bottom rung of this superficial, stuck-up caste system. What few friends I have, are also in this category. I am one of those kids who everyone is nice to when they want something. I only do things for the girls, in a futile attempt to get any kind of a relationship. i am just one of those kids who no one really notices. I am a boy scout. woo-f**king-hoo. i hate it. the adults are always pissed at me for "being bad example" and it just sucks in general. It takes away from so much else, but i can't quit, because of my parents. It is trying to mold me into the little, manner-ridden, all-rule-following little prick that i will never become. Oh, and this girl, a couple years older than me, was/is a pretty good friend. she listened to me when i spoke, and i thought she cared about me. not as a lover, but as a true friend.kinda like forrest gump and jenny, although i dont have a mental illness. she is higher up in the status chain, so i kept hearing rumors about her. i figured, what the hell, i dont think she's a b*tch from what i see, so i disregarded the rumors. We were gonna hang out, but when it came down to actually doing so, i felt like i was gonna kill her by just hanging out with her. she wouldnt say it, but i can now tell that she doesnt think highly of me at all, and that she's just a fake b*tch. I am not a suicide risk or anything else, i just want someone to be a good, caring friend. ya know?